Changes

Any of you who know me very well know I don't do well with change. I like a routine a schedule knowing what comes next. After change happens and the shock or new wears off I bounce right back to normal most of the time.

This week has been strange to say the least and it took me until today to try and get a hold of what the changes mean.

Sunday evening my Grandma met me in the yard and just in general conversation she says... You may be getting a phone call soon that Great Grandma (her mom) died. I was floored yes Great Grandma is in her 90's but she is my Great Grandma whom I spent lots of time with while growing up I was the only Great Granddaughter for a LONG time and my two boys are her ONLY Great Great Grandchildren. Anyway I asked how come and apparently she has several blood clots some which are large near her heart and some in her legs. They are giving her meds to dissolve them but they aren't confident they will work or that they will move in the meantime. My family is strange with emotions you don't show any or talk about them. This news ate at me all night and in to the morning, I don't get to the nursing home to see her as much as I should or take the kids as much as she would like. But those are HARD places to go as an adult and taking the kids seems strange.

Monday morning I go to work still reeling from the news my Grandma told me the night before. Then right before noon I get some more news that shocked me and really threw me for a loop. The other person that works with me who shares the same job I do got a really great job position. One they will be awesome at but it leaves me here on my own in my department. Not only that it was just hey I can't work he any longer and haven't seen them since. I of course went in panic mode trying to figure out if I could do all the work on my own (which I know I CAN) but the thought was the straw that broke the camels back. I decided to go for a run at noon and opted to walk because you can't cry and run its pretty dangerous. But the exercise helped to clear my mind a bit.

Work has been strange this week trying to adjust to the "new" normal but I know it will be fine. Maybe this sudden change and having to bounce back quick is just preparing me for my EMT class in January. I know there is no planning ahead or knowing what you will come across and I think I really need to find a way to not be such a routine predictable person.