Tomorrow is the day!!!!

Well the day has finllay came. Tomorrow by this time I will be the mom of two boys and no longer be pregnant. I am scared and nervous about tomorrows procedure but I am just going to keep myself as busy as possible so I don't have time to think about all the fears and what ifs.

Last night I packed away most of my maternity clothes and plan on packing the rest away tonight and place my regular clothes back in my closet and dresser. There are tons of small last minute things I want to do at home tonight which will make a long night, I doubt that I will sleep much as I will be to anxious about tomorrow and be afraid that I will over sleep and be late leaving for the hospital.

My phone has been ringing all morning with friends and family who are wanting to know what time to be there. I keep trying to explain that it will be mid morning close to noon before we will be back to the room but I think they all plan on being there before I go in. Hope its a big waiting room.

Blake is so excited to see his baby brother and super excited that he gets to spend tonight with his April and have her take him to school tomorrow. I am grateful to have friends who love Blake enough to offer to take care of him tonight and tomorrow so that we have one less thing to worry about. He is excited that his Dwayne, Connie and April will be the ones to take him to meet his new brother and I know they are as equally excited to meet Nathan.

Another update

Well I haven't wrote in awhile mainly due to the fact I have been in a mood this week and it would have ended up being a post to vent frustrations.

This week has went by fairly fast. I worked half a day on Monday then Tuesday I was off to go to the doctor for the weekly check and Kenny decided he wanted to go with me. Well I wont get in to that but it was a long long day and I was glad when it was over. I was still dilated the same as last week so she left the scheduled date the same for the 25 but if I went in to labor before then I would have him.

Then Kenny and I decided that I would try and get 40 hours in this week so I could get a full paycheck to pay on some bills well I only worked 5 hours Monday I worked 6 hours Saturday to make up for Tuesday's appt so the rest of the week I have been working 9 hour days and let me tell you I am exhausted. I still need to work Sat and Sun to make up for my appt on this coming Tuesday and for Friday when we will be at the hospital for the scheduled delivery so that I can have one more full paycheck before I am off work and getting no pay.
Today I have had tons of back labor and several regular contractions I keep wondering if its time so maybe this weekend he will decide to make an appearance.

I have been struggling a lot with mood swings and being emotional which I know is all part of pregnancy but I hate being like this plus I worry twice as much now as I did a few weeks ago about dumb things. I am just ready to have him here and know he is ok.

Blake has been counting down the days until he gets to meet his baby brother and he is so excited and I know he will be a big help and a great big brother. But I am nervous about having two children to care for.

Nerves

Well I guess its normal to have some nerves set in about having a new baby. I thought that since I had already done this once that I wouldn't be worried this time but I think I am more worried than before. I worry about making sure that Blake has his schedule in tact as much as possible while I am at the hospital after delivery. Then the worry of if I will be able to handle a new baby and a 4 year old and not go crazy from stress and lack of sleep.

Blake is excited and ready for his baby brother I just hope that when he arrives he is just as happy and doesn't get jealous or go thru any bad stages of rebelling or being resentful of the new baby (I don't think he will but the thought does cross my mind from seeing friends who have had new babies and older kids already)

I hope that at tomorrow's appointments that we find out that I am dilated farther and that we can set a date for later in the week, then there is the fear of getting to the doctor's office and her saying well today is the day you aren't going anywhere but to the hospital to deliver. We are totally ready at home for the baby and have the bags packed and in the car but I am not sure I am ready to be told that, I want to have a plan be able to shower fix my hair get all ready then go to hospital and deliver not be mid day have other plans of things to do after appointments not be able to talk with Blake about what's going on in person or to see him before having the c-section, but to have to call my mom and tell them to bring Blake up to the hospital. (maybe I am just weird but I like to have a set plan in place not have to make it up as I go)

I have so many questions to ask the doctor about how it will all work once we are at the hospital, dumb me had never thought to ask her questions about the c-section procedure or recovery etc. Now Kenny is asking me all sorts of questions that I don't know the answers to and then I feel silly because its things I should have asked. But with Blake's pregnancy I didn't know much about how delivery would be and it may have worked out for the best going in not really expecting anything going with the flow, I never took child birth classes or read any books on delivery. But this time I know will be totally different and that I need to ask more questions about what will happen.

Maybe by the time delivery comes my nerves and worries will be calmed down and I can just enjoy the experience of seeing Nathan for the first time and enjoy his first few days without much worry.

Even Closer Now

Well yesterday at my regular weekly OB visit I found out I was dilated to a 2 right at 3 so that is lots of progress from last week. I had been having lots of contractions Sunday and Monday but didn't figure it made anything happen. I spent 3 hours at Labor and Delivery my doctor wanted to be sure things weren't changing before letting me drive back home. I was so worried when I left her office to head to hospital wondering if Kenny or anyone could make the hour or more drive there before they delivered the baby. Luckily I didn't change any and got to leave.

But I have to really watch and time my contractions because I know it can go fast from here. So maybe either this weekend or next week or weekend the baby will be here. I doubt that I will go past the 21st. My nurse thinks if I come in Tuesday and I am dilated farther than I am now that she will move up the c-section date.

So any day any time and I am ready (well at least all baby stuff is ready) not so sure I am ready to go thru delivery.

Getting Closer

Getting ever so close to having the baby. Every contraction I have I wonder if this is it will there be several more coming, then worrying if I am dilating more than I was last week. I am so afraid that I will go to the doctor one week she will check me and say well you are a 6 you aren't going home you will have the baby now. And since I go to all my doctors appointments alone I get really worried, I just hope that if that happens she will allow me enough time to call a few people and for Kenny go get there (I think she would unless there was some urgent reason that the baby had to come right now) I know I worry to much and watch to many baby shows on TLC and the Discovery Channel.

This weekend I had several people tell me I finally look pregnant which by 36 weeks I'd hope I do, of course I have felt like a whale for a few months now but I guess since I haven't gained much weight I didn't have the huge belly pregnant look. There were several people who couldn't believe I was due in only a couple weeks and those who didn't even know I was pregnant (a couple of which I know I had told but they must have not been paying attention) You figure living in a small town everyone knows everyone else's business but apparently I did a good job slipping through the cracks for the last 8 months.

I think we have everything ready for the baby other than buying formula which is a hard thing to get beforehand since there is no way of knowing what the baby will like. I know which brand I want to use but I found out with Blake that it doesn't matter what I want it matter what they like and can keep down.

Then there are the sleepless nights where you are exhausted but cant get comfortable, which makes your mind do all sorts of thinking wondering and worrying. I often find myself worrying will I be able to be a good mom to two kids?? Worry that I will not be able to get up every two hours for nights on end and still have energy enough to take care of Blake and take him to and from school and give him the time and attention he needs.

We have had several people tell us that I am to young to have my tubes tied that I need to wait several years, or the ones that say you need to try for a 3rd time and get a girl.

But what those people don't realize is how hard this pregnancy has been and how hard it was to even get the courage up to have another pregnancy. I think that two healthy boys is enough for us. I have had enough problems with cysts when I was a teen that they often wondered if I could get pregnant. Then the pregnancy with Blake went really smooth, but the second time we tried it took 9 months to get pregnant stayed pregnant for 8 weeks to find out that it was ectopic and had to have emergency surgery to remove the egg. After that I told myself I was done no more trying then a year later I started rethinking it talked to the doctor and asked what my chances were then on January 1st 2009 we decided to try again with the agreement if it ended in miscarriage that we would try no more and be happy with one child. To my surprise and the doctor's I was pregnant within the month. But it hasn't been an easy pregnancy and I am so ready for it to be over and to have the healthy baby here, to get my tubes tied and to never have to worry about pregnancy and miscarriage.

So I have 19 more days until Scheduled C-Section but I dont think that it will wait that long. Once I have both Doctors Appointment's on Tuesday I will post with a new update on what happend and if I have dilated any farther than I was last week.

Fair time

Well we survived the Maries County Fair all four nights of it. Blake had lots of fun and I will try and post some pictures of him later this week. Wednesday night was the kiddie tractor pull and he did pretty good for his first time. They had to many kids in his class they did 50 pounds and under well that wasn't to fair to the kids who were 2 and 3 since some of the 50 pounders looked to be 1st or 2nd grade and were much taller and bigger but he had fun and enjoyed it.
Thursday night he rode rides which I was glad Kenny was with me to help keep up he was everywhere and I cant walk and go as fast as I did last year. Friday night was the Truck and Tractor Pull we got there and it started pouring so we stood around for an hour or so then they called off the night Blake was upset and didn't understand why he didn't get to see the trucks and tractors (as was a million other little boys who were there) Then last night was the Demolition Derby and it was packed we ended up standing for 90% of the time but Blake had fun watching the cars crash.

I am very glad the fair is done I was so sore and wore out from being there I was glad to sleep in this morning. Of course when Blake woke up he wanted to know if we were going to the fair tonight again. We may take him to the fall festival in St. James depending on how close I am to having the baby.

Updates

Well it feels like forever since I was online to actually post anything. I was off work from Friday until this morning. For some unexplained reason my blood pressure will go up sky high then a day or two later be down below normal. The doctor thinks its just my bodies way of dealing with pregnancy. Although since the baby has dropped down lower my blood pressure has seemed to remain on the low side which is fine by me not to mention its nice to feel like I can breathe again.

Yesterday the doctor checked me and found me to be dilated to a 1 which is not huge progress but means progress is starting and so now I really need to watch and time all contractions I have instead of ignoring them like I had been doing. We have a semi scheduled delivery c-section date of Sept 25 or 28 but the doctor in Columbia seems to think it will be much sooner than that so maybe a week before the 25th. My doctor says she does c-sections on Monday but I would prefer a Friday so that Kenny and Blake don't have to miss school and work and she said she would try to make a Friday due date work which makes me happy that she is willing to do a delivery on a day different than her usual. And another reason why I am happy with driving an hour to be a patient of hers.

So she has allowed me to return to work for 5 hours a day then go home rest a couple hours before I start dinner and evening chores etc to see if we can keep my stress and blood pressure under control until delivery. With my pregnancy with Blake I was to focused on working and making sure I worked 8-9 hour days the entire pregnancy and worked up until I had him. I worked Friday and had him that Sunday morning. I was stressed wore out and exhausted and never got to have time to relax before he came and sure didn't have time after. Plus I returned to work real early at 4 weeks after his birth so I think this time I will slow down sooner even if it means making less $ I think it will be well worth being rested knowing that when I come home from the hospital I will have my hands full with a new baby and a 4 year old to take care of.

I am so ready for this pregnancy to be done and over and glad that Kenny is in agreement with me that two kids are plenty for us and that I can get my tubes tied and not have to worry about trying to get pregnant miscarriages or the stress and toll pregnancy takes on my body. I will be happy to have two healthy boys and for myself to be healthy. I know this pregnancy was very difficult and that they say if I did want another child it would more than likely be another hard pregnancy and I just don't think I could do this all over again.