Nerves

Well I guess its normal to have some nerves set in about having a new baby. I thought that since I had already done this once that I wouldn't be worried this time but I think I am more worried than before. I worry about making sure that Blake has his schedule in tact as much as possible while I am at the hospital after delivery. Then the worry of if I will be able to handle a new baby and a 4 year old and not go crazy from stress and lack of sleep.

Blake is excited and ready for his baby brother I just hope that when he arrives he is just as happy and doesn't get jealous or go thru any bad stages of rebelling or being resentful of the new baby (I don't think he will but the thought does cross my mind from seeing friends who have had new babies and older kids already)

I hope that at tomorrow's appointments that we find out that I am dilated farther and that we can set a date for later in the week, then there is the fear of getting to the doctor's office and her saying well today is the day you aren't going anywhere but to the hospital to deliver. We are totally ready at home for the baby and have the bags packed and in the car but I am not sure I am ready to be told that, I want to have a plan be able to shower fix my hair get all ready then go to hospital and deliver not be mid day have other plans of things to do after appointments not be able to talk with Blake about what's going on in person or to see him before having the c-section, but to have to call my mom and tell them to bring Blake up to the hospital. (maybe I am just weird but I like to have a set plan in place not have to make it up as I go)

I have so many questions to ask the doctor about how it will all work once we are at the hospital, dumb me had never thought to ask her questions about the c-section procedure or recovery etc. Now Kenny is asking me all sorts of questions that I don't know the answers to and then I feel silly because its things I should have asked. But with Blake's pregnancy I didn't know much about how delivery would be and it may have worked out for the best going in not really expecting anything going with the flow, I never took child birth classes or read any books on delivery. But this time I know will be totally different and that I need to ask more questions about what will happen.

Maybe by the time delivery comes my nerves and worries will be calmed down and I can just enjoy the experience of seeing Nathan for the first time and enjoy his first few days without much worry.