Getting ever so close to having the baby. Every contraction I have I wonder if this is it will there be several more coming, then worrying if I am dilating more than I was last week. I am so afraid that I will go to the doctor one week she will check me and say well you are a 6 you aren't going home you will have the baby now. And since I go to all my doctors appointments alone I get really worried, I just hope that if that happens she will allow me enough time to call a few people and for Kenny go get there (I think she would unless there was some urgent reason that the baby had to come right now) I know I worry to much and watch to many baby shows on TLC and the Discovery Channel.
This weekend I had several people tell me I finally look pregnant which by 36 weeks I'd hope I do, of course I have felt like a whale for a few months now but I guess since I haven't gained much weight I didn't have the huge belly pregnant look. There were several people who couldn't believe I was due in only a couple weeks and those who didn't even know I was pregnant (a couple of which I know I had told but they must have not been paying attention) You figure living in a small town everyone knows everyone else's business but apparently I did a good job slipping through the cracks for the last 8 months.
I think we have everything ready for the baby other than buying formula which is a hard thing to get beforehand since there is no way of knowing what the baby will like. I know which brand I want to use but I found out with Blake that it doesn't matter what I want it matter what they like and can keep down.
Then there are the sleepless nights where you are exhausted but cant get comfortable, which makes your mind do all sorts of thinking wondering and worrying. I often find myself worrying will I be able to be a good mom to two kids?? Worry that I will not be able to get up every two hours for nights on end and still have energy enough to take care of Blake and take him to and from school and give him the time and attention he needs.
We have had several people tell us that I am to young to have my tubes tied that I need to wait several years, or the ones that say you need to try for a 3rd time and get a girl.
But what those people don't realize is how hard this pregnancy has been and how hard it was to even get the courage up to have another pregnancy. I think that two healthy boys is enough for us. I have had enough problems with cysts when I was a teen that they often wondered if I could get pregnant. Then the pregnancy with Blake went really smooth, but the second time we tried it took 9 months to get pregnant stayed pregnant for 8 weeks to find out that it was ectopic and had to have emergency surgery to remove the egg. After that I told myself I was done no more trying then a year later I started rethinking it talked to the doctor and asked what my chances were then on January 1st 2009 we decided to try again with the agreement if it ended in miscarriage that we would try no more and be happy with one child. To my surprise and the doctor's I was pregnant within the month. But it hasn't been an easy pregnancy and I am so ready for it to be over and to have the healthy baby here, to get my tubes tied and to never have to worry about pregnancy and miscarriage.
So I have 19 more days until Scheduled C-Section but I dont think that it will wait that long. Once I have both Doctors Appointment's on Tuesday I will post with a new update on what happend and if I have dilated any farther than I was last week.
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