This has been one heck of a long week....

I have posted before that my Grandpa was diagnosed with acute myloid lukemia back on August 22, he didn't want to go forward with treatments. Doctors said that would only prolong his life by maybe a month but would make him very sick.

They said he would probably last about a month after they told him. I knew doctors were wrong all the time but also knew they had seen the same thing in several patients. A week after that diagnosis he had a nose bleed that resulted in a trip to the ER and a blood transfision. Came home a day later on hospice with that doctor saying maybe a week to 10 days. I decided that I wanted to spend all the time with him that I could and for the boys to do the same.

Each day when I went over after work I went in to emt mode and would assess what I saw looking for changes from the prior day looking at the vital signs the nurses had been writing down. The first 3 weeks went fairly well. Only had a few bad days and those days weren't awful (compared to this past weekend). I stayed strong for both of them knowing that eventually the end would come I hoped and prayed he would go peacefully in his sleep and not suffer a lot.

Had a slight scare on Sept 25, enough that once I got to work for my ambulance shift and told them what was going on they sent me home. One co worker said I needed to go home and be there with them and told me about when her grandparents died first one that went she missed the last hours with him because she stayed at work. Second time around she was there and didn't stay at work. I was on the fence feeling guilty for having to find someone to cover my shift that night and for that Saturday night. For some reason the nights were harder on Grandma and she had been having me stay over there with them until almost midnight some nights. I would give his nightly meds and help her change him.

Friday morning she called me at work and asked if I could come home early, she was very upset and I knew something must have changed. So I asked what was up and she said he had been asking for me several times in the night and then again that morning. When she asked why he wanted me there he said cause he wanted to tell me goodbye and that he loved me and was proud of me. Then said he wouldn't be here after that night.  I went home and spent a good afternoon with them, the nurse came to check him and said it would more than likely happen over the weekend and if he was saying he wouldn't be here after that day to call family in to say the goodbyes.

He was right after Friday night "he" wasn't here just his body. That took a harder toll on me than I expected and I found myself looking at him as a patient not my grandpa just to keep emotions under control for Grandma. I spent most of the day Sunday over there (after being called out to a structure fire early that morning) and gave him his meds and changed him when he would get wet. He wasnt responding to us talking to him.

Monday was more of the same he was just there hanging on by what we weren't sure knew he didn't have much blood left to circulate in his body hadn't ate or drank since Friday. Once I got home from work I went over and wasn't prepared for what I saw and how awful his breathing sounded. I knew then that I would be getting a phone call sometime in the night from Grandma asking me to come over. I gave his meds told her to get as much sleep as she could knowing full well it could be a long night.

I woke up several times in the night and then the house phone rang at 3am... I knew without a doubt who it was and what was happening. I threw some shoes on and ran out the door and headed there. She called the nurse after she made the call to me, the nurse arrived and told me it wouldn't be long. So from 3am until 8am the nurse and I sat with him watching the dying progress. My Grandma would come in and out of the room we left her in there for a few minutes to say goodbye was so hard hearing her break down. I had her call her younger brother who lives up the road from us and he and his wife came down. Was SO glad they were there I knew he would keep his cool and emotions in check and be able to support Grandma while I was with Grandpa and the nurse. Think the nurse was shocked at first that I wanted to be in the room with her and him but glad for the company. I learned a lot from her that morning.

The nurse told me it was going to happen within minutes so Grandma returned one last time and then walked back out. The nurse and I stood there with him holding his hand and arm and watched him take his last breath at a little after 8am. I had a hard time keeping the tears at bay but knew at that time I needed to because Grandma needed the support. We called the funearl home soon after for them to come pick him up. They arrived and my Grandma and Great Uncle walked down to the barn to feed the horses.

I was glad to see a person I knew get out of the funeral home vehicle, he hugged me and I about lost it again. I showed them where his room was and the other guy asked if I really wanted to stay and watch. Before I could answer the guy I knew said yes she will stay and it will be fine. I think he knew I needed to see it thru to the end. So we moved him from the bed and on to their stretcher and they had him out of the house and loaded within 10 minutes. The nurse stayed to talk to me a bit and told me she was amazed at how well I handled it and knew I had been the only one helping Grandma this whole time.
When my Great Uncle headed home he hugged me and told me how proud he was of me and glad that Grandma had me right across the road to help daily. I went home to change clothes then back over to sit with Grandma.

My Great Uncle called a couple hours later wanting to take us out to lunch. I was not hungry but knew we both needed out of the house and away from there for an hour or so. It was a great lunch and Grandma laughed a lot which I was glad to see. I know its going to be hard on her for a long time, but I know how strong willed and independant she is. She had ran the house mowed grass did the garden for their whole marriage. Honestly she will do much better being there alone than if it would have been the other way around.

I haven't quite processed all that happened or really let it sink in he is gone. He was one of the very few people who were always there for me. He and Grandma pretty much raised me from the time I was a small child until I was a teenager. I am the only grandchild and was close to him always following along when I was a child wanting to help with what ever he did. I haven't taken the time to breakdown and fall apart. I go see Grandma each evening and spend some time with her helping her go thru drawers and clean out some stuff she wants out of the house.

I will try and post the picture and obituary that was posted yesterday (the day that it started to hit me that this was real and it did happen)

Charley Eugene Hart July 16, 1935 - October 1, 2013

Obituary

Charley Eugene “Gene” Hart, of Vichy, MO passed away Tuesday, October 1, 2013 at the age of 78. He was born in Vichy on July 16, 1935 to the late Roy M. Hart and Rosetta M. (Cruts) Hart. On September 5, 1953 he married Shirley Reed, who survives. Gene retired from U.M.R., now Missouri S & T University, where he worked for thirty years as a HVAC technician. He attended the Vichy Community Church. In addition to his parents, he was preceded in death by one sister, Ordith Waldron, and one brother, Medford Hart. He will be greatly missed by his surviving family which includes his wife of 60 years, Shirley Hart, of Vichy; a son, Edward Hart and special friend Paul Stifel, of Sorento, IL; daughter, Sheila Terry and husband Mitchell, of Vienna, MO; one sister, Faye Miller; his granddaughter, Shelley Allen and husband Kenny, of Vichy; two great grandchildren, Blake and Nathan Allen; other extended family members and dear friends. A memorial service celebrating the life of Gene Hart will be held on Sat., November 2nd at the Vichy Firehouse beginning at 1 p.m. Online condolences may be offered at this website.