Sleep Deprived

I don't really remember being this exhausted after I had Blake, but yet I only had him to take care of and now I have Blake and Nathan. There isn't enough coffee in the world to keep my eyes open and keep me energized each day. I know that this is only temporary and Nathan will start sleeping longer than half and hour to an hour at a time but today it sure doesn't feel like there will be an end.

Nathan is awake alot during the day, then of an evening he takes a half an hour nap if I am lucky and he is just wide awake and remains that way thru the night. Most nights I am lucky to get 2 hours total which comes in short periods of half an hour here and there. I often wonder if I am doing something wrong because everyone else I know who has a baby the same age they sleep for 3-4 hours straight.

I have been finding that I am getting very short tempered and very moody and I feel bad for Kenny and for Blake because I snap at both of them. Blake does great as a Big Brother and I feel bad for getting on to him for little things that shouldn't bother me. I am not sure how to find the balance to getting everything done in the evening and mornings and still not getting agitated in the process.

Kenny doesn't understand how exhausted I am because he goes to bed by 10 and sleeps until 6:30 or later on weekends and has no clue of how many hours a night I am up feeding Nathan, rocking him and trying to get him to sleep so I can sleep and then I get frustrated that he doesn't help at night or in the mornings, not that I expected him to because he never once helped at night with Blake but maybe I had thought that he could this time since I have Nathan and Blake to take care of daily.

This past week and a half Nathan will not lay in the play pen when he sleep he wakes up as soon as I lay him down. So I tried the swing same thing works for 20 min then he wakes up, I even tried laying him on the couch no luck. The only thing that works is if I sit on the couch and lay him across my lap and propped up on the pillow I guess he doesn't like laying down flat but I can't continue to hold him like that each night its really wearing me down not to mention making me super sore from sitting in an awkward position so he can sleep. He has been having sinus drainage and I am sure that laying flat makes it worse but yet I need to find a solution so that I can try and sleep while he does.

So if anyone reads this and has an idea please let me know becuase I am willing to try just about anything to be able to feel normal and not be so exhausted and moody.

Halloween

Here a a few of the pictures that I took this morning before leaving the house. Blake was so excited to get to wear his costume to school. Well he actually wears his chaps, boots, vest and hat several times a week pretending to be a bull rider, but he couldn't wait to show all of his friends at school.

We decided not to get a costume for Nathan so I got him the little pumpkin sleeper which I am sure will be more warm and comfortable for him to wear anyway.

I hope to get more pictures of the kids tomorrow and will try and post those next week.

Happy Halloween to everyone!

Goodbye Soda

Yes that is right I said goodbye to Mountain Dew on Saturday (and all other sodas) I know it will be hard but its calories I don't need to consume daily not to mention it no longer keeps me awake and it doesn't taste as good as it used to so I took that as signs to say see ya!
Yesterday was hard I had a headache all day not sure if it was from lack of sleep or from not having soda but today is much better. I decided to allow myself 2 cups of coffee at work during the week. I am curious to see if it will affect the scale in a positive way in the days to come.

I will miss the Mountain Dew and I am sure that I will eventually crave one but I have to be strong and resist it. I went 6 months without it last year from Oct. til May and I know I can do it again. So wish me luck that I succeed!!!

Life and Stress

The last four weeks have been more stressful and trying than I had expected. I knew that having a new baby would create stress but I hadn't anticipated all of the other things that have happened.

The day after we had Nathan my dad and sister came to see us at the hospital and he slept the whole time there so neither one of them held him. The following day my dad called to tell me they took my sister by helicopter to Children's Hospital in St. Louis and that she had HNN1 flu. Totally scared me considering we just saw her the day before lucky for us no one else in my family got it and they think that she had just started showing symptoms that day. They found that along with her respiratory problems that she has had since birth that she had pneumonia. She remained in the hospital for over two weeks and at one point they didn't know if she would pull thru. Thankfully she did and seems to be back to normal.

During that time I helped move a friend twice in the same week, which was very tiring on me but was good to get out of the house and to actually do something but I was surprised at how tired I became doing so much. Then another friend of mine found out she had cancer on her cervix and had surgery to remove the cancerous cells and they think it was a success which I hope and pray they are right.

I had my 3 week check up with my OB doctor and I had lost all the baby weight plus an extra 5 pounds which made me happy, my blood pressure was back on the low side again which was also great news. When I the doctor walked in the room she said let me tell you about your placenta. I had already knew there was problems since week 20 when I had cramps and spotting and the Doctor in Columbia told me it had a partial tear. Also during the C-Section she made mention of bleeding that was more than normal and the day she released us she told me she was very glad we did the C-Section both times I didn't ask why I was just glad me and Nathan were fine. Well she proceeded to tell me why, my blood vessels that attach to the placenta were only attached on the surface instead of attaching farther in which is why when I did to much or lifted things I would cramp and spot. She informed me that if we would have went ahead with a normal delivery that there was a good chance I would have hemorrhaged. I am very glad that the Doctor in Columbia said we should do the C-Section and very glad I listened to my gut instinct to go ahead with the C-Section. I had a fear all along that something would happen in delivery if we went in to labor.

I got my tubes tied after she got Nathan out and I am glad I did, I really don't think I could go thru another pregnancy and there would be a high risk of having complications again and a risk of another miscarriage. I am perfectly happy being the mom of two wonderful healthy boys and happy that I am healthy. People keep saying you will regret it but I thought about the decision the entire pregnancy and knew deep down that I was making the right choice.

Life as a mom of 2

So its been over 4 weeks since I last made a post. And in that time Nathan Steven Allen was born on September 25, 2009 at 8:08 am weighing 7lbs 5 oz and was 20.5 in long.

I have attached a picture of Blake and Nathan, it was the first time Blake got to see his new baby brother and he was excited and happy. I had feared he would be jealous or rebel and not be his calm happy self. Lots of friends told me not to worry he was excited to be a big brother and all would be fine but I still worried. Well I had nothing to worry about because he has done great and each time he comes home he kisses Nathan on the forehead and when he goes to bed he gives him a kiss good night. I am so thankful that he accepted a new baby so well.

As for me the lack of sleep is about to do me in, I keep telling myself it wont last forever but some days I really start to wonder. Only getting one to two hours of sleep a night makes me extra moody and I have a hard time maintaining patience with Blake when he is tired and grumpy and with Kenny because he sleeps all night and never hears Nathan cry (or he just tells me that so he don't have to get up) I am not much of a morning person so I have started doing all that I can at night before bed, getting lunches ready, clothes laid out diaper bag packed and it helps but I am still not morning person and not sure that I will ever be.

But we have survived one whole month and Nathan has already changed and grown he smiles when he hears Blake or Kenny's voice. I will have to post the picture I took of Blake with Nathan over the weekend in a later post.

Tomorrow is the day!!!!

Well the day has finllay came. Tomorrow by this time I will be the mom of two boys and no longer be pregnant. I am scared and nervous about tomorrows procedure but I am just going to keep myself as busy as possible so I don't have time to think about all the fears and what ifs.

Last night I packed away most of my maternity clothes and plan on packing the rest away tonight and place my regular clothes back in my closet and dresser. There are tons of small last minute things I want to do at home tonight which will make a long night, I doubt that I will sleep much as I will be to anxious about tomorrow and be afraid that I will over sleep and be late leaving for the hospital.

My phone has been ringing all morning with friends and family who are wanting to know what time to be there. I keep trying to explain that it will be mid morning close to noon before we will be back to the room but I think they all plan on being there before I go in. Hope its a big waiting room.

Blake is so excited to see his baby brother and super excited that he gets to spend tonight with his April and have her take him to school tomorrow. I am grateful to have friends who love Blake enough to offer to take care of him tonight and tomorrow so that we have one less thing to worry about. He is excited that his Dwayne, Connie and April will be the ones to take him to meet his new brother and I know they are as equally excited to meet Nathan.

Another update

Well I haven't wrote in awhile mainly due to the fact I have been in a mood this week and it would have ended up being a post to vent frustrations.

This week has went by fairly fast. I worked half a day on Monday then Tuesday I was off to go to the doctor for the weekly check and Kenny decided he wanted to go with me. Well I wont get in to that but it was a long long day and I was glad when it was over. I was still dilated the same as last week so she left the scheduled date the same for the 25 but if I went in to labor before then I would have him.

Then Kenny and I decided that I would try and get 40 hours in this week so I could get a full paycheck to pay on some bills well I only worked 5 hours Monday I worked 6 hours Saturday to make up for Tuesday's appt so the rest of the week I have been working 9 hour days and let me tell you I am exhausted. I still need to work Sat and Sun to make up for my appt on this coming Tuesday and for Friday when we will be at the hospital for the scheduled delivery so that I can have one more full paycheck before I am off work and getting no pay.
Today I have had tons of back labor and several regular contractions I keep wondering if its time so maybe this weekend he will decide to make an appearance.

I have been struggling a lot with mood swings and being emotional which I know is all part of pregnancy but I hate being like this plus I worry twice as much now as I did a few weeks ago about dumb things. I am just ready to have him here and know he is ok.

Blake has been counting down the days until he gets to meet his baby brother and he is so excited and I know he will be a big help and a great big brother. But I am nervous about having two children to care for.