Sleep Deprived

I don't really remember being this exhausted after I had Blake, but yet I only had him to take care of and now I have Blake and Nathan. There isn't enough coffee in the world to keep my eyes open and keep me energized each day. I know that this is only temporary and Nathan will start sleeping longer than half and hour to an hour at a time but today it sure doesn't feel like there will be an end.

Nathan is awake alot during the day, then of an evening he takes a half an hour nap if I am lucky and he is just wide awake and remains that way thru the night. Most nights I am lucky to get 2 hours total which comes in short periods of half an hour here and there. I often wonder if I am doing something wrong because everyone else I know who has a baby the same age they sleep for 3-4 hours straight.

I have been finding that I am getting very short tempered and very moody and I feel bad for Kenny and for Blake because I snap at both of them. Blake does great as a Big Brother and I feel bad for getting on to him for little things that shouldn't bother me. I am not sure how to find the balance to getting everything done in the evening and mornings and still not getting agitated in the process.

Kenny doesn't understand how exhausted I am because he goes to bed by 10 and sleeps until 6:30 or later on weekends and has no clue of how many hours a night I am up feeding Nathan, rocking him and trying to get him to sleep so I can sleep and then I get frustrated that he doesn't help at night or in the mornings, not that I expected him to because he never once helped at night with Blake but maybe I had thought that he could this time since I have Nathan and Blake to take care of daily.

This past week and a half Nathan will not lay in the play pen when he sleep he wakes up as soon as I lay him down. So I tried the swing same thing works for 20 min then he wakes up, I even tried laying him on the couch no luck. The only thing that works is if I sit on the couch and lay him across my lap and propped up on the pillow I guess he doesn't like laying down flat but I can't continue to hold him like that each night its really wearing me down not to mention making me super sore from sitting in an awkward position so he can sleep. He has been having sinus drainage and I am sure that laying flat makes it worse but yet I need to find a solution so that I can try and sleep while he does.

So if anyone reads this and has an idea please let me know becuase I am willing to try just about anything to be able to feel normal and not be so exhausted and moody.