Weekend good and bad........And Monday HARD

What a weekend it was!!!! One that I would prefer not to do over again but it also had some good spots...

The big news is we spent over 12 hours packing and moving furniture so we could start sleeping in the new house!! Still a lot to move like our living room stuff dining room, washer and dryer. But our beds and dressers are there :) :) :) Sunday we got up early Blake had stayed with my mom and step dad for the weekend so Kenny Nathan and I started packing and cleaning furniture to take to the new house. Around 4 my brother in law and his girlfriend came over and helped us load up the trailer and move. I should have took pictures of our furniture on the trailer but I was to tired.

Still have yet to cook a meal on my new stove or use my oven and haven't used my dish washer yet which I am the most excited about. Lots of little things still need done like putting up curtains (ok have to buy some first) installing towel rods and toilet paper holders. Living out of dresser drawers in the floor and boxes is getting to me but I am just glad we are finally in two years and two months!

Saturday was a LONG day one I would rather not repeat again. However it was also very eye opening and heart breaking. Started off early 6:30 am meeting at the fire house to load the trailer for the auction. Mid morning we had ran out of food so they sent Kathy and I back to Vichy to get more hotdogs and hamburgers. Which was so awesome because I don't get to spend much time with her and to have almost an hour of just us together to talk was the greatest part of the day. The auction was HUGE there was so much stuff there you could go watch for half and hour go back an hour later to see where they were and they would still be on same wagon! Mid afternoon Kathy Donnie and I were watching some stuff sell as they were getting close to the trailer that had a few things we were interested in. The pager went off for a first responder call to a tractor accident and gave the name of the property owner. I looked at Donnie and asked if I could go (as we both knew the people who owned the property) I really figured he would say no I needed to stay and help his dad cook. But to my surprise he said yep come on your going with me! I was excited and nervous so as we ran to the truck Mark decided to go with us as well. Now I am not in to driving crazy fast or being in cars that go crazy fast and always glad that when I am in the ambulance I can't see how fast we are going. But Saturday being right in the middle I could see and let me tell you I was one ball of nerves as we left Rolla and flew towards Vichy. We got to the accident scene before the fire truck and ambulance there were a couple of others that had drove their vehicles there and I jumped out of the truck and ran over and did what needed to be done. I was the smallest one so I was under the hay wagon. It was the hardest call I had ever been on and one of the worst things I had ever seen. But my training kicked in and I did what I knew had to be done. The ambulance came and took the girl to the hospital she died on the way.

I didn't have time to process, think or talk about what had just happened because in the midst of that we got another page to help Belle with a brush and structure fire. I didn't have much of a choice on going to the second call as my keys and purse were still in another vehicle at the auction all I had on me was my phone. Had another hair raising drive from first scene to fire house and then jumped in the tanker with Donnie and headed towards Belle. We ran water shuttle for several hours while several other departments helped battle the brush fire. I was glad to know my knowledge came back to me once again I remembered the procedures and where everything was. It was like second nature which was pretty cool since I hadn't been around the fire trucks in 12 years. They finally released us around dark and we headed back to the fire house. I helped them clean up all the hoses and headed home. I was wore out sore tired and still wasn't sure how to process what all had happened that afternoon and evening.

Sunday I kept myself busy so I didn't have to think about the day before but sleep didnt come easy at all. Yesterday my part of the office was very quiet and well I couldn't ignore what had happend the day before. Was hard when asked why I looked so tired and how my weekend was I couldn't explain much and sure couldn't go in to detail. By noon I decided I needed to just go for a drive I would have went and ran but my body was to sore from the two prior days. Then yesterday afternoon I sent a text to a friend telling her that I was trying to not let Saturday get to me but it wasn't easy. She replied I was afraid of that and its ok that stuff gets to all of us we will talk about it. Guess that's when I realized that those kind of calls gets to everyone weather they ever admit it or not. It was my first call of that nature and knowing the family made it a bit harder and the girl was young. Later in the day I got another text telling me I had done a great job on Saturday. Up until then I was second guessing myself on a lot of things wondering if I had what it took. One friend told me that if I couldn't handle what happened saturday that maybe this job wasnt for me and while it hurt and made me cry they were right. I need to find ways to cope with it and people I can talk to about it. I am not a type of person who will easily talk about my feelings so I bottle it all up.

When I went to bed last night I felt better and slept somewhat better (as good as you can in a new strange place) and woke up today in a good mood. I now realize that I have to learn to talk about stuff no matter how hard it may be.